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Monday, 28 January 2019

Hello There...

Chatty-Post

Well, this feels odd. I feel almost like an impostor, being somewhere I most certainly don't belong. It's been a while, hasn't it? (understatement of the century).

I wanted to get back into the swing of things by having a little chat - so, how have you been?

January's been a tough one for me this year. I mean, nowhere near as bad as it is for some, but much more difficult than I've experienced before. I like to keep things happy and positive, and that's because I really am that sort of person. There's nothing that can't be sorted, there isn't a mountain that we can't climb, and even when the the to-do list is longer than your arm and leg...I always think you find a way. But this month, I seemed to lose my spark a little.

I know we're coming to the end of it now - thank god!!, but I thought I can't pick up this blogging thing again without speaking on it.

January as a month, has the reputation of being a little bit rubbish in general. Cold, dark, no money from Christmas and New Year. So the usual stuff, but this year there was more getting to me. I think it comes down to a few things. First of all, and probably the biggest one of all, was the wedding. Or more so, the fact that it was over. Paul and I had the most crazy, wild, mad, dream like year in 2018. We were so busy planning, organising the trip and the wedding, and making the most of all the appointments we had. We really enjoyed every last second, knowing that it's not something we'll ever do again. We didn't find it stressful, it was just all so much fun! Then came the trip, the wedding, the being there with the people we love most in this world, spending 10 days walking around New York. Spending a whole day running around in a wedding dress, in a vintage cab, having photos taken, it still feels crazy to think it even happened at all.

Then we came home, and we had a weekend of plans. We had Bon Fires night, we had a few days out, we then had a party to celebrate with everyone, then Paul's birthday at the start of December, and then it was Christmas. There was no lull, no drop in excitement. There wasn't a chance to sit and feel like "oh, it's over now". That didn't come until January. Also, at the same time, my polaroid project ended. A whole year of taking an Instax picture a day had come to an end. It kind of felt like everything was ending, all at the same time. Leading to that feeling of "now there's nothing".

I understand that could come across to some as  little dramatic, it's not meant to be. I simply mean that there was so much going on, and then -all of a sudden, there wasn't. It all stopped, and as we spent so much money last year, we knew this year was going to be quieter. Saving had to happen, so there's nothing big planned for 2019. So without anything to look forward to, and with those things getting to me, I just found it had to pick my mood up again.

So all of that, topped off with the fact that I haven't posted here in months, well...it left me feeling really rubbish!

Basically, I've just found it hard to feel motivated or inspired this January, and I've been working had to change that because it's not a great feeling.

However, we're coming to the end of it now and I'm feeling much more like myself again. I'm excited for the year, I'm looking forward to things we have planned. Smaller things, like dinners with friends, birthday's...the slightly warmer weather. All those good things. And being back here! It's an odd thing, but I've been tapping away my thoughts, recipes and anything else, here for so long, that I miss it when I stop.

One other thing before I go. We live in a world where speaking this way can be seen as moaning. Where expressing how you feel can be seen as moaning. I'm not moaning. I love my life, I love and appreciate everything Paul and I have, and all that we've been able to do. But I think it's important to remember, that no matter how good and wonderful everything is, you can always feel a little down. Isn't it better to talk about these things that let them grow and get worse? Of course it is.

Happy Monday!!!

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